It's Just Him
by NerdySpaceBean
Summary: Season three spoilers. Just a quiet reflection on Ianto's life and the progression of his feelings for Captain Jack Harkness in his final moments. (Disclaimer: I do not own Torchwood, or any of the characters.)


The second Ianto Jones laid eyes on him, he knew. Deep down, not obviously. He initially put it down to longing, or just really wanting to work with him, or perhaps the urge to make friends. I mean, he was a man. Ianto had had girlfriends before, he'd completely fallen in love with Lisa, so he'd never really considered men. He just wasn't attracted to them. But _him_… He was a different story.

Working at Torchwood One in London was interesting, being at the centre of action, however Ianto felt like he could never truly amount to much working there, like he didn't belong. Though one thing he was sure of was that he enjoyed the work there. Knowing aliens, real aliens existed and being able to track them and experience meeting them for real was an utterly different world (sometimes literally), one which he couldn't just leave in a hurry. After Torchwood One was destroyed, Ianto couldn't give it all up. Instead, he tracked down the Torchwood Three Hub in Cardiff and attempted to gain a job there. In order to do this, Ianto figured it would be best to track the boss, the person who ran the institute of Torchwood Three.

After essentially stalking him multiple times, it turned out the best way to get recruited was to help the boss catch a chocolate-loving pterodactyl. In the moments after the boss managed to sedate the creature, Ianto had found the two of them got rather intimate, and although it was only an accident that they happened to find themselves in that position on the cold warehouse floor due to saving each other, he felt something blossom inside him. Knowing _he_ felt it too, Ianto rapidly grew nervous and recalled leaping up off the floor, making some excuse about how he 'should go'. In reality, it scared him, the cocktail of emotions brewing inside. He'd never felt that way before, certainly not with… Did it really matter?

After getting recruited (finally), Ianto seemed to neglect his supposed 'feelings' for his boss as he cared for his girlfriend in the basement of the Hub. Once she had gone, there was a hole, a bottomless pit of despair that had manifested itself and was seemingly indestructible. Lisa had meant everything to him, and the events that had pursued her deniably inevitable death tainted his view of her, although he desperately tried not to let them. Ianto never really moved on after Lisa.

But, he was there. A constant in the changing world, despite his additional enigma. I'm not saying he helped Ianto get over Lisa, because he didn't. He was just there. Always there, even if Ianto sometimes thought he didn't truly care for his well-being.

Eventually, the timid receptionist learned to embrace his feelings rather than shy away from them or be fearful. Yes, he was a man. Yes, this had never happened before. But that didn't mean it wasn't real. Because it did feel real to him. And after a while, Ianto accepted that it was the truth. He wasn't gay, not really. It was just _him_.

Now, as Ianto lay on the floor, gradually feeling the fatal virus released by the 456 invade every part of his immune system, twist and writhe inside him painfully, he knew there was never anyone but him. Captain Jack Harkness cradled his lover in his arms, his face contorted with misery and denial as he physically watched Ianto's life slip away before his very eyes after confessing his undeniable love for his boss.

The one terrible thought, the very worst insecurity that surfaced in Ianto's mind as it shut down was that he wouldn't be remembered. He knew Jack by now, knew how many men and women he had met in different points in time and space and fallen for so wonderfully. Ianto didn't want to just fade away into the background once Jack found another to love. He wanted to be remembered, if not by others, then by him. He _needed_ it.

"Don't forget me." Ianto pleaded with one of his few remaining breaths. His lover smiled, melancholically yet honestly.

"Never could."

Although Ianto believed him with every atom he was made from, he still craved reassurance in his final existing moments. "A thousand years' time… you won't remember me."

"Yes, I will. I promise, I will."

In those last seconds, as his eyes gently shut and he slipped through the beautiful fingers of his man, Ianto felt at peace. He had found love and comfort and every perfect emotion possible in Jack, and that was amazing. They had been amazing.

* * *

**A/N:**

**I'm sorry I just had to write this one-shot after watching season 3 of Torchwood – I'm in denial about Ianto because he was just too precious. Hope you enjoyed anyway :)**


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